Its been pretty shocking to hear how many people in my age group that I know either personally, or through another mutual friend, that are dealing with their own Cancers. Its terrifying actually. I send them my love, strength and energy.
I don't understand why there has to be Cancer.. What's its purpose aside from causing heartache and suffering?
When will we eradicate Cancer from the fabric of humanity, from our lives? Why haven't we already?
I mean seriously, what in the hell is taking so long? How many more have to suffer to live? Or, live to suffer? Gosh, its sad..
How many more will have to suffer through treatments, or even worse, death?
I know I am blessed and fortunate to have made it this far.
I have moments through the day, where I am feeling great and nothing can stop me.
And then there is the other side...At least once or twice, shit, who knows, three times during the day, where it all comes crashing down around me and my flame, starts to flicker for a moment.
During that moment, I fear the next steps. I know I can't let that fear get the best of me. I have to over come it, see past it for what it is and know that I will make it to the other side.
It just gets hard sometimes.
Im so lucky to have God, Sheila, my family, friends and those I don't know supporting me. It helps when I need to pick myself up off of the ground. I just wish I wouldn't 'fall down' as often as I have been the past week. I have so much to be thankful for and am.
I know there are others out there who are in worse shape than I am. It doesn't mean it makes it any hard or easier though. I hate when I start to feel selfish. Its such an ungrateful feeling, I want it out of me and am sorry it ever entered my train of thought in the first place.
Im about 1/2 way through this nightmare. I know I'll make it. I must be more strong. I must be more patient.
Thank you for continuing to be an audience. I really appreciate your eyes, your love, energy and vibes.
Let's send them around the world, to the rest of humanity, the others like me who are dealing with their own Cancer.
more soon, God bless!
Hey Tony, everything you're feeling right now is perfectly normal. I felt and thought the same exact things as you. Cancer does suck and I don't know why it's taking so long to find a cure. I'm guessing it's because cancer is like a living organism and it's very complex, not exactly like a virus.
ReplyDeleteI have to tell you that, even when you're all healed from surgery and you're back to your "normal" self, you're still going to be thinking about your bout with cancer. It will be with you for the rest of your life, but that's not a bad thing. I'm not sure what your doctors have told you about getting scanned every few months after treatment, or how they will check you periodically to make sure the cancer doesn't come back, but expect this to be the norm going forward.
I know you've been cherishing all the love and support you've been given lately. Don't ever stop. I'm thankful you have Sheila there to help you. I owe my life to my ex Jen Sessions, who was the only one who helped me and bore the brunt of my suffering through chemo and radiation.
Keep up the good work!
Oh, on the bright side, cancer survival rates seem to be going up so that's progress. You and I are the fortunate ones.
ReplyDeleteYep, I figured being caught in the throes of thought would happen after so long. I am sure I'll be using this experience to further keep myself on the path of health and well being, once I am normal again.
ReplyDeleteYes, they did already tell me i'll have to be scanned every so often afterwards, par for the course! :)
I am so thankful for all of the love i've been getting, I am. I know I am fortunate to have such an awesome and vast support system and I thank God every single day for it.
:)