Back home and a Fever.

On Friday I had my final radiation treatment. I couldn't wait to get off of that table. I had a change of heart and told them I didn't want to keep the mask after all. 

I want to be able to put all of this in the rear view and not have any reminders of that hell. I'm still going through it with the pain and recovery. 

Last night got real interesting. Around 9pm, I started to develop a Fever and it was almost 102 degrees.

I can't believe I made it through all the radiation and those doses of chemo and now get a Fever...

Called the on call MD who told me that if it got any worse, or if I got chills again (I had them for 15 min), or just felt like something was wrong, to head to the ER. 

I immediately jumped on taking some Children's liquid Ibuprofen and downed two bottles of spring water. 

Once Sheila made it home around 1045pm, I re took my temperature around 11:15pm and Thank God, it had gone down to 100 deg.  

I set my alarm for 130am, woke up with that cool, sweaty feeling on my chest and back and just knew the fever had broken.

Checked it and it sure did, was right back to 98 degrees. Can't tell you how relieved I was and feeling better.

It was odd, the right combination of pain meds actually took all of my throat pain away during the Fever. I haven't drank water that quickly (by sipping, not chugging) since before starting radiation. The nuke-spit makes even water taste gross. I switch back and forth between that and Gatorade. It helps.

The pain was right back on me though, come 6:30am today, in full regalia, and kicking the crap out of my throat, even after pain control.  

I have to keep drinking water, but do it minimally, as the pain of swallowing is just too much. 

At least the radiation sun burn is starting to calm itself.  I'll take any break I can. 

Hurricane Sandy is on her way to bring forth some serious wind and rain. The news reports say our area is guaranteed to lose power. Its going to really suck for us if it does. 

I wish we had a generator now, but they're way to expensive for the budget Im currently on. Once I get back to work, I think I'm going to invest in one. 

Especially if we get hit with a bad winter this year, after being spared last year.

The absolute worst..

These last few days are the absolute worst. my throat hurts so much, the liquid pain control is barely touching me. when I burp, it feels like my throat and mouth are seconds away from exploding.

The morning brings nothing but immense pain and hacking up of spit and mucus. I couldn't even finish my protein shake my throat hurt that badly. My throat hurts all day long. I must be gargling with salt water about 25-30 times per day at this point. It helps, but only for about an hour and then, Im trapped in the thrushes of pain.

2 more days left and the seconds crawl by with the speed of a slug.

Oh God, please help me!!

Radiation sunburn.

The skin on my neck is super unhappy.  When you receive radiation to your body over a period of time you get whats called "Radiation Sunburn".   Its horribly uncomfortable, painful, itchy and has to be kept moist with lotion all day long.

One downside is, I can't have any lotion on my neck when I go in to receive the dose of radiation. My neck has to be clean and dry.  This isn't a huge deal when Im going Tues-Fri, but my Monday appointments are in the afternoon, so I can't put any on until after 3pm.  

The skin starts to dry and crack open without anything on. 

It looks like I have sun poisoning on my skin in the areas just above my collarbone. The skin on the Right side is faring worse because I receive more radiation on the side that had the cancer in it.

I have a medium sized circle on my Left side that is puffy and red. Sheila mentioned it looked leathery. If you look at the other side closely, it looks like I was burned by fire, the way the top layer of skin is missing from a few parts of the area. 

I have to be careful of how warm the water in the shower gets. Too hot of a temperature and Im in big trouble. 

Only 5 more sessions left. Im getting more and more anxious as I approach the end. The past 6 weeks, let alone 4 months have been hell. I need a break from all of the poking, prodding, palpating, injecting, radiating, etc.. 

I sit and think of how amazing it is I haven't gone temporarily mad from it all. 

Because I can see how a lot of people do.

Almost there...

Im so glad I had Sheila with me this past week..It's been sheer hell. 

They said it would get worse near the end, and it is. 

My PT told me a while ago, "Around the 4th week, you won't want anymore...They'll call me to come down there...Ill drag you into a room, you'll cry..we'll cry...we'll hug, and I'll kick your ass back onto that table.."

I can see what he meant. I can see how people want to give up.  Radiation and chemo are nothing but pure horror. Plain and simple.  

Sheila heard one patient who walked in, and was asked how he was doing (by the receptionist..) he said...I'd rather have my head in an Oven.

 Except, Im not giving up. Im finishing this, healing for a few weeks and getting back to work, life, etc..

I miss it so much. 

The infection from the chemo came back this past Tuesday on her birthday.

Im on a liquid antibiotic that my insurance didn't cover...it was $80.00 fucking dollars for 250 ML..."and its the only one we can give you Tony, Sorry!!!!"  

(awesome.............)

 It tastes so terrible, I can't even describe it. I almost threw up a dose one night, but had to choke it all down. 

Im on it 4x's a day at 2 1/2 ml per dose, via a plastic syringe.  Once I finish it, I have to take my other liquid med so I don't get Thrush (yeast infection) in my mouth again. 

At least that medicine tastes ok. 

My mouth is on fire all day long and I am up dozens of times during the night to spit that nuclear wasteland from my throat and mouth. 

Its like something from the film Aliens. (you know, that stuff they spit and cocoon their captive hosts in for impregnating with those face huggers?)

Yeah, it looks like that stuff after a few min.

I spit all day long, and all night. I maybe get about 2-4 hours of sleep per night, if that..

And that's when the ringing in my ears from the chemo decides to quiet down, when it does.

It's gotten so bad, its affecting my hearing. So much, I didn't hear my alarm go off this morning to get up for radiation.  : \ 

It rings in both ears, then one, then the other, then both and repeat...and repeat, and repeat. Its almost like it never shuts off.  A simple fork hitting a plate crushes me. Its incredible how people don't go mad just from that alone.

Sheila has been amazing.  I feel so bad getting up so often during the night. 

 Her patience, caring and love know no known human limit. I'm so lucky to have her.  

 Im so lucky to have all of you too. 

I thank God, for my family, friends, co workers, management team, the company I work for, the people around the world that are sending me their love and energy, some of whom I'll never know or meet.

It pushes me, even when I start to crumble.  

I can't wait to be whole again...I can't wait to be a father and a husband again. 

I've walked around half my life not being patient, flying off handles, reacting...

This cancer has brought a lot into perspective for me. 

 It's going to change me for the better. 

Worse than the flu..

My Physical therapist told me it would be like the flu. 

I think its worse actually, at least you can't smell the flu coming out of your pores, like I can this 2nd and final round of chemo. 

Lets say this mornings shower was nothing short of amazing.

Hopefully, I'll start feeling better by tomorrow afternoon or Tuesday. 

: (  

Today will envole more napping and fluid intake. Going to try some chicken noodle soup. The ensures are going down ok, but wow...the chemo has really had an impact on my appetite. 

Everything tastes like nothing.

Holy !@#$ this is the worst..

This second round of chemo is the fucking worst. Woke up at 330am needing to void my bladder and just about got my Zofran anti-nausea med in me and again, in the nick of time.

Im achey all over and thought I was starting to get a fever when I got up for the day, but luckily didn't have one. 

My patchwork pains are hitting me at different intervals again. They come out of no where, like lightning from the sky. Or, should I say from the ground up. 

In my case, from the neck up, or even down.

I feel like crap, but at least my ''stomach issue'' I had from last week has finally subsided, which is a plus, since now I don't smell like crap. (hey, gotta find the silver lining somewhere..heh.)

Im tasting that classic metallic taste in my mouth too. Nothing like some metal mouth to ride shotgun with the radiation throat pain.  : \ 

I took my other anti-nausea med a little after 5am, instead of 6, to stay ahead of the bell curve and on top of the nausea. Its so much stronger this time around, as are the aches.

Today is going to involve a lot of bed surfing and maybe I'll surf the breakers on my couch and watch some movies.

Gosh I feel like crap. Ugh..  

wow...

This second bag of Chemo is kicking my ass. 

Can't wait to head home, I am wiped out.

Chemo Round 2

Just getting settled in and receiving my bag of magnesium and sodium chloride for my second and last round of chemo. From the way they explained it to us, the 3rd round is something I can either elect to have, or pass on. Im passing on it, no thanks! 

Dr. G mentioned my white blood count being low, but not enough to merit me not getting today's dose.

There is a sight chance I will get a fever and infection, something we'll have to keep an eye on.

My stomach has been upset since Wed, so I'll have to leave her a certain sample before going home today. She thinks I might already have an infection. Fingers crossed I don't.  

If I do, it will mean a fever for sure, antibiotics and the dreaded Thrush coming back. 

I'll be back on throughout the day as I'll be here for about 7-8 hours. 

Thought I'd add a pic that shows the amount of radiation I receive with each treatment. It also shows the R side is receiving more than the Left. The guys on my team were nice enough to show me this earlier in the week and sent me a screen shot of it.  Lasers!!

 I feel more and more drained with each treatment. Im starting to get the radiation ''sunburn'' on my neck too and sleeping on the right side has become a challenge. The muscles are sore from being microwaved.

Be back Friday the 5th during chemo round #2

See you there. Hope you all have a nice week.

T